Let’s talk about failure—that nasty little word that haunts high-achieving women like a shadow. For many professional women, failure isn’t just an outcome; it’s a damning verdict on our worth. And if you’re anything like my client, I’ll call Emily, you know the feeling all too well. Emily has the credentials, the experience, the respect of her peers—and yet, every time she steps into a big meeting or takes on a new challenge, a voice inside whispers, What if I screw this up? What if they find out I’m not really as good as they think I am?
Impostor Syndrome is a sneaky little bastard. It doesn’t just make you doubt yourself; it links your value as a human being to your professional success. And when failure becomes personal, every setback feels catastrophic. Emily doesn’t just fear missing a deadline or making a wrong call—she fears being exposed as a fraud, letting down her team, disappointing her family, and ultimately proving herself unworthy.
The Lie That’s Keeping You Stuck
Here’s the hard truth: You will fail. You will make mistakes, miss opportunities, and sometimes fall flat on your face. But failure isn’t the problem—your relationship with failure is.
Somewhere along the way, we were taught that our value is tied to our achievements. Gold stars, straight A’s, glowing performance reviews—it’s all been feeding the belief that if we’re not constantly proving ourselves, we’re nothing.
But that’s a lie.
Your worth is not on trial here. You are not an accumulation of your successes and failures. You are a whole, capable, deeply valuable human being, whether you crush the next project or completely bomb it. It’s time to separate who you are from what you do.
Rewriting the Narrative
So, how do you stop letting Impostor Syndrome and fear of failure run the show? Here’s where the real work begins:
1. Call Out the Inner Critic
That voice in your head saying you’re not enough? It’s not the voice of truth. It’s a broken record of outdated programming and societal conditioning. Name it. Separate yourself from it. Instead of, I’m not good enough for this role, try My fear is telling me a story, but I don’t have to believe it.
2. Redefine Failure on Your Terms
Failure is just feedback. It’s information. It’s the universe saying, Not this way, try again. The most successful people in the world aren’t the ones who never fail—they’re the ones who fail forward.
I was leading a recent UPROOT session and one of my Second Chancers came into the session spinning from a mistake she made on a big project. She said, “I feel like I’ve let everyone down.” I asked her, “What would you say if your best friend made the same mistake?” She paused, laughed a little and then cried a little. This Second Chancer realized the compassion she gave so freely to others was the very thing she was withholding from herself.
3. Own Your Damn Successes
Stop brushing off your wins as luck or timing. Make a habit of documenting what you’ve accomplished. Keep a running list of projects you’ve nailed, challenges you’ve overcome, and ways you’ve made an impact. When the self-doubt creeps in, read it.
4. Let People See You—Flaws and All
You don’t have to be perfect to be respected. Authentic leadership is about owning your strengths and your struggles. When you show up as your whole self—yes, even the messy parts—you give others permission to do the same.
Another client I worked with—let’s call her Dana—is a senior leader in a male-dominated industry. On the outside, she was confident and commanding. But with every promotion came a private spiral of self-doubt. She worried she wasn’t doing enough. That someone would figure out she didn’t belong. We talked through this and how she could bring authentic leadership to her team by being vulnerable. The turning point came when she admitted in a team meeting that she didn’t have all the answers. Instead of losing respect, as she feared, it was the absolute opposite. Dana gained respect by leaning in, and she said that’s when the light bulb went off. She realized that being real isn’t a liability; it’s leadership.
5. Get Support
You don’t have to battle Impostor Syndrome alone. Surround yourself with people who remind you of your brilliance when you forget. Coaches, mentors, supportive colleagues—lean on them.
The Bottom Line
Emily, Dana and my other Second Chancers aren’t failing—they’re evolving. And so are you. The goal isn’t to eliminate fear but to stop letting it make your decisions for you. Because at the end of the day, you are not an impostor. You are not your failures. You are enough, exactly as you are.
Now go do the damn thing.
