The week before Thanksgiving, I had two discs replaced in my lower neck. I recovered well and even left the hospital walking on my own. Grateful for my progress, I stepped right back into my usual life—working out, seeing clients, and overdoing for the holidays.

Five days after my surgery, our son came home for Thanksgiving. We were thrilled to have him back—he lives in Chicago now, thriving in his career, and living with three of his frat brothers from IU. We’re incredibly proud of him.

But let me tell you, do you know how much a 6’4″, 220-pound young man can eat? A LOT!

Cooking for Charlie has always been my way of showing love. My love language is acts of service with him, so I went all out—preparing his favorite chicken tortilla soup, lasagna, tostadas, jambalaya, and even pre-cooked bacon and chicken breasts for quick meals. On Thanksgiving Day, we hosted a big gathering (ordered sides from Whole Foods and had a friend bring the turkey), and I made snacks and a charcuterie board with all the fixings.

Needless to say, we had plenty of food—and he practically ate all of it! Charlie returned to Chicago. I was 10 days post my surgery, and I was exhausted. Completely spent.

As I reflected, I noticed my overdoing tendencies had creeped in again. I realized I’d been pushing myself to be “nice,” to not rock the boat, and to keep the peace during the holiday—no matter how drained I felt.

And as the universe often does, it sent me a message. I started noticing articles about how much over-functioning women do during the holidays. Oprah had a great piece on the topic, and I kept hearing about Too Much by Terri Cole. The book has been a game-changer for me.

Too Much by Terri Cole dives into the ways women often feel burdened by the need to over-function, over-give, and over-explain, leading to burnout, resentment, and disconnection from their authentic selves. Cole explores the roots of these patterns, often tied to societal expectations, upbringing, and internalized beliefs about worth being tied to productivity or service to others.

Terri Cole introduces the concept of Highly Functioning Codependency (HFC) to describe individuals who, despite being capable and successful, exhibit codependent behaviors. Unlike traditional codependency, often associated with enabling behaviors in relationships with addicts, HFC manifests in those who over-function, over-give, and over-explain, driven by a compulsion to manage and control outcomes for others. This behavior stems from lack of boundaries, leading to burnout, resentment, and a disconnection from one’s authentic self.

HFC—Highly Functioning Codependency. WTF. I remember when Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More came out in the ’80s, but now this concept has resurfaced in a whole new way.

The book focuses on helping women identify these patterns of “too muchness” and offers practical strategies to break free. Through tools like boundary-setting, self-awareness exercises, and techniques to connect with your intuition, Cole empowers readers to prioritize their needs without guilt. Her approach is about reclaiming authenticity, learning to say no, and shifting from people-pleasing to self-care and self-love.

At its core, Too Much is a guide to balance—offering a path to live a fuller, more aligned life without sacrificing yourself in the process.

Listening to Cole’s book has helped me see the insanity of my overdoing, over-functioning, and people-pleasing behaviors. It’s given me a second chance to start over.

As I reflect on this, I keep coming back to the title of my own book: Oh God of Second Chances, Here I Am Again. Yes, here I am AGAIN! So I will choose again.

This holiday season, I’m choosing a new way:

• Self-care as a priority.
• Saying no to things I don’t want to do.
• Setting clear expectations and boundaries.
• Asking for help instead of trying to do everything myself.
• Letting go of the expectation that I need to “earn” love by doing things for others.

This year, let’s do it differently. Choose self-care over self-sacrifice. Practice saying no without guilt. Set boundaries that protect your energy. And most importantly, remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others.

If this resonates with you, I challenge you to take one small step today: say no to something that feels draining or unnecessary, ask for help with a task, or set aside time just for you.

Let’s make this holiday season a little less about “too much” and a lot more about what matters most: love, connection, and your well-being. You deserve it.

And if you’re ready to take that intention into the New Year, I invite you to join me for the Denver UPROOT One-Day Retreat: “Planting the Seeds for Growth in 2025.”

Together, we’ll nurture your vision, craft strategies for growth, and create the momentum you need for transformation.

🗓 Saturday, January 4th | 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM
📍 Althea Center, Denver, CO
💻 Register now — Space is limited!

Let’s plant the seeds for your growth and watch them flourish in 2025. I hope to see you there!